


Thank you John

by Carola_Canela



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-30
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-12-08 23:49:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11657232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carola_Canela/pseuds/Carola_Canela
Summary: A brief letter





	Thank you John

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Radioactive Trees In A Red Forest](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10522701) by [Maribor_Petrichor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maribor_Petrichor/pseuds/Maribor_Petrichor). 
  * Inspired by [Believers don’t exist (and if they did, he wouldn’t be one of them)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1706705) by [DestielsDestiny](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestielsDestiny/pseuds/DestielsDestiny). 



Thank you John,  
For opening my eyes, I never would have realized that I was seeing but not observing, that there were and are people for whom I do matter and care. It´s because of you that were a catalyst to a major number of inner changes in me, you reach out to me, I would like to say that the same occur to you, but it seems to me I was just a patch for something larger that neither of us would acknowledge it. But you, just being you, not out of pity, stood by my side. In the past a few had stand by my side, but their effort went underappreciated, I was looking for freedom and it seem to me these people did not understand that their support meant constricting me, it was not the same case with you, I´ll could feel like I was performing like an exotic ballerina and you would just look in awe.  
However, we are aware that the rushes from falling in love impair the judgement, so I never took anything for granted, while I did do my best to make the most of our time (spent or not) together.   
Unexpected to me, was your rejection when I came back, I thought “Isn´t supposed that when someone you miss so much is back, you are about to breathe in relief and caress the beloved face, waiting for explanations later?” Stupid, stupid, the world has changed, two years seem a lifetime and emotional distress have higher costs that almost no one is bound to take the risk. It seem to raise a red flag, bringing memories, and a warning note “unconditional love does not exist, it just that this subject wasn´t aware what was on stake”, so I put you on various tests of loyalty, to probe you were willing to stay by my side. First of all: “Do you really believe I am a fake?” Second, our lives are under threat, we´re about to die, “Do you regret it?” Third, “What if I told you it was all joke, would you still believe I´m a psychopath?”  
You passed them all, but when you were angry of learning Mary’s true identity as a high intelligent spy and assassin, and I saw, not for the first time mind you, that you did crave for a bit of normality, domestic life, I should attend that second flag, “Are you really willing to put with this mess that comes with dealing with the worst and unscrupulous side of humanity?” Something was cracking within you and it was revealing a long forgotten side of you that you would be so ashamed to admit, as so was I John. So was I.  
But it turns out I found myself not feeling warm by your mere presence, not merely elated by your praise, it turns out I had proved myself that I was able to put myself to risk, not because of my long self-harm tendencies, but because I cared, and not just for you, but also for those people that were already by my side and reach out to me, even if it was not reciprocated by me at the time, and for that I thank you, you make me a better person, to be sensitive for it, it was a journey that may have to come to the end, and it through it will seem I´m alone again, I know that “alone doesn´t protect me”.


End file.
